Melanie Nilles

…what I know now, I would have had an easier time with our first child. After 2 1/2 years of daycare and four infants after our own, I can tell you a lot about getting a good night’s rest.

After the third week postpartum, I was ready for more sleep. However, that comes with the infant developing neurologically enough to sleep for long periods. Well, we got lucky to start, and my experience has helped take it further. Part of the reason new parents don’t get enough sleep is the process of putting the child to sleep or back to sleep in the middle of the night.

I now know how to make that happen so parents can maximize their sleep time.

With our first, we rocked her to sleep ALL the time. We didn’t understand how to train her to sleep on her own and I wasn’t going to let her cry herself to sleep. That only hurts a child emotionally. However, with both, we started out with the girls in our bed. With the first, it was the first two months. With our newest, I moved her to her “bed” around the 2-3 week mark. I also breastfed the first and am doing the same with the second. It provides something that bottle-feeding never will–a stronger sense of security and bonding between mother and child.
What I did different with our newest is simple. Besides moving her into her own “bed” in our room (for easy and quick access), we figured out what she wants.

The big question is “What makes my child feel secure?” When they are secure in their environment, your child will sleep better. Our number two MUST be swaddled tight. That’s her rule when she’s tired. She’ll wiggle and squirm a few times while falling asleep, but those little hands must not come free at that stage or she wakes up. After she’s been asleep awhile, it’s not as big of a deal if she gets one or both hands free. She also gets plenty of cuddling time during the day from mom and dad, and the breastfeeding gives her time to be close to me also. She relaxes then and, even when she’s overtired and fussy, will doze off when nothing else soothes her.

The second part of getting a child to sleep is to make sure they 1) have a clean diaper and 2) have a full tummy. Some babies cannot stand a soiled diaper. Our first didn’t care, but number two does. As for the second part, could you sleep very well with an empty tummy?

The next part is more complex. Training an infant to put themselves to sleep takes time, but the earlier in their life that you start, the happier everyone will be and the easier it will be.  Develop good habits early rather than trying to break bad ones later.  Please be aware that every infant is different, but figuring out your baby is up to you.  Not every technique will work for every infant, and they do take time.

The first part is to figure out what your baby needs, as I’ve already mentioned.  The next is to use that wisely.  If your infant will take a pacifier, great.  It’s a wonderful self-soother for them.  Our number two takes it only if she’s a little hungry or is overly tired, but she spits it out when she’s ready to fall into a deep sleep.  Some babies wake up when they lose their pacifier.  That’s okay.  Now, here’s the real trick–when to answer a waking infant’s cries.  When they wake in the middle of the night, let them get into a serious cry, because they may just put themselves back to sleep without any intervention, especially after the first four to six weeks.  It’s part of the sleep-training process.  You’re there, but they don’t always need you to soothe them.  Give them a chance to soothe themselves.  Only tend to them when it’s obvious they aren’t going back to sleep on their own.  This applies to naps also.

Putting an infant to sleep is a process also.  You don’t have to let them cry themselves to sleep.  In fact, give them some security and it’ll go a long ways towards giving you a good night’s rest.  A little rocking is okay, and early on you may be rocking them to sleep.  In the arms of someone who loves them, they have all the confidence in the world that every need will be met.  That’s why so many infants have a hard time sleeping alone.  Lay them down in their crib–always on their back–and step away but STAY IN THE ROOM.  This is the important part.  If they wake up don’t pick them up right away but try to soothe them by offering the pacifier, using a quiet voice, stroking their head (with that soft baby hair , or whatever you know works for your infant.  If they won’t settle, pick them up and start over.  Eventually they’ll tire enough to just fall asleep, but that’s to your advantage.  If they aren’t tired enough to go to sleep, then maybe they shouldn’t be going down yet.  Eventually you’ll get them on a routine, but don’t count on it until they’re at least four months old, and then if you’re lucky.
Practice this every time, not just every night.  (Being able to lay an infant down without any special attention makes it easy on your daycare provider also, especially when they have other children demanding their attention, particularly other infants.)  Gradually, you’ll be putting your infant down to sleep more alert.  My suggestion here is to make sure they are tired.  You can’t force a young infant to sleep.  Besides, they need the alert times too, just not in the middle of the night.  Nighttime is for sleeping.  As they start sleeping for longer periods, they may want to stay awake in the early AM waking.  In those instances, don’t let them.  Also, if that’s the case, you need to keep them awake for longer periods during the day.  Let them lay on the floor under a gym toy, talk to them, and simply engage them in activity.

With all I’ve learned and what it has allowed me to do with our second girl, I wanted to pass this knowledge on.  More and more often–our baby being just over nine weeks and sleeping at least eight hours through the night–we have only to recognize the signs of her tiredness, make sure she’s clean and fed, swaddle her, and lay her down in her baby bed.  She puts herself to sleep and we get ours also.