Melanie Nilles

I wrote earlier in the year about how to get young babies to sleep through the night (If I had known then…). However, sometimes that doesn’t last. If your baby is like ours, around the time they start moving (rolling, crawling, etc.) and become more aware of their surroundings, that is around the 5-7 month age, all that work can go right out the window, along with your peace of mind.

No matter what you do, it’s going to happen. Relax! It’s normal. Give it some time. Your baby needs the reassurance that you don’t disappear when they go to sleep and that life can go on without them. Your patience may wear thin from lack of sleep, but hold on, because it will pass. It’s very important that if you find yourself losing control, set your child down in their crib and retreat to a room where you can’t hear them for a few minutes, or until you regain your calm. NEVER shake a baby or yell at them. They cry for a reason at this age. It will all pass in time. In time. Remember that nothing lasts forever. With a lack of sleep, your temper will be shorter and your thoughts scrambled. You’re not alone. We have all been through this, so take several deep breaths and count to ten.

Now, some babies pass through this stage quickly, like our first did. After a couple weeks of off and on sleeping through the night, she would wake up once a night until she was almost 18 months old. From that point, she mostly slept through the night. That’s not unusual.

However, our second hasn’t slept through the night since she was about 5 1/2 months old. Imagine how I felt! I don’t like to let infants go more than a few hours without eating, so I would feed her about 3 times a night. I thought I was done with that. I paid for my giving nature with lack of sleep, which led to being cranky and not enjoying my kids during the day.

This last weekend, after going through a horrible stomach bug, I decided it was time to cut her off. It’s been three months, more than long enough for her to adjust back to sleeping through the night. At her age, it won’t hurt her to cry for a while. I’ve already tried giving her what she wants and it only made the matter worse with her. Every child’s personality is different. What works for one may not be right for another. Well, in no mood to tolerate getting up with her several times, I let her cry herself back to sleep. The first night she cried for three hours (two of those hours after I fed her)! My husband and I finally had to sleep in other rooms, where we didn’t hear her (she’s in our bedroom). She finally went to sleep and stayed asleep for about 3 1/2 hours, the longest stretch she’s done in three months.

Last night she cried for no more than thirty minutes at one stretch and went to sleep. Another time, I fed her once and she went to sleep within ten minutes after being laid in her bed. She put in two 3 1/2 hours stretches of sleep, and I feel much better this morning. I will continue to enforce this new cry-it-out policy. At her age, it isn’t cruel. I don’t like to let young infants cry-it-out, because the younger they are, the more important it is to reassure them that their needs will be met immediately. Our youngest is 8 1/2 months old, more than old enough to begin learning to deal with frustration (when she’s playing and doesn’t get her way), and letting her cry-it-out when she doesn’t get her way at night because she doesn’t want to sleep but should be settling herself is not going to cause any mental issues.

While we’re still not to sleeping through the night, I’ll take a once-a-night feeding wake up over waking every hour anytime.

If you’re wondering what to do for your older infant, here are some notes:

1. Consider their age and developmental stage. Has the recent reversion to waking in the night coincided with reaching a new stage or level of activity? If so, continue your routine for a while, because it may pass on its own. (Give it a month or two)

2. If they are waking up frequently after they start crawling, take a look at what you’re doing. Are you rushing immediately to their bed, picking them up, feeding them? DON’T! Let them fuss for a while and they put themselves to sleep again. It is so hard to do, and that was partly my problem.

3. If their sleep hasn’t improved soon after they start crawling and you’re at wits end, try a different routine and have someone to help you. Do not give in to the temptation to rock your baby every time they wake, but lay them to sleep again after taking care of their needs while they are drowsy but not yet asleep.

4. If you’re still getting up more than once a night by eight months of age, let them cry. By eight months, your baby can learn to deal with frustration and should be settled into crawling. Granted, every child develops at their own pace, but that shouldn’t sacrifice your mood. You should enjoy your child, not resent them. I will allow a feeding once in the middle of the night but no more, simply because at this age, any normal, healthy infant may be hungry after a four-hours stretch, especially if they’re breastfed as mine is. But they should be put down after in their bed, while awake, and allowed to put themselves to sleep.

Now, get some sleep!

UPDATE:  By the third night, our infant slept for five hours and the little bit of fussing she did earlier in the night lasted no more than five minutes.  This is a child who slept eight hours by two months of age but who hasn’t slept through the night like that since she was about 5 1/2 months old.