writing blahs
June 27th, 2008 by Melanie(X-posted from livejournal)
Occasionally, we all tend to sink to this point I’m at now. I don’t want to move on with any of my WIPs and don’t have any ideas that really excite me. But I must write something. It’s frustrating! I’m so depressed. It’s the blues though, not like real depression.
I’ve got a bit of rejectionitis going on too. I hate getting rejections, but that’s all I’ve had. I need something positive. Submitting is such a gamble. I hate gambling.
Then there’s the other side of submitting–where to submit too. My WOTF honorable mention novelette is 17K, too long for most short fiction markets and too short for novel markets. Where can I submit A Turn of Curses?! My choices are so limited it sickens me. I’ve considered putting that one up as a free PDF download, but I wonder if anyone would be interested. Besides, I’d love to actually get paid for my writing. Wouldn’t we all?
And last, I’m not too ambitious about the promotion of Dragon Prophecy because I wish I had rewritten the first couple hundred pages. Does that happen to other writers? The rest of the series is awesome! I love it! It’s that first volume that I’m not crazy about, because in going back, I see where it really could be stronger and how much I’ve improved even since the editing on it (which wasn’t as thorough as I would have liked).
See? I’m just in a deep funk right now–criticizing myself. I need a little reward to make writing fun again. I need to match a few lottery numbers and get something instead of totally missing all the time. I know my strong points and I know I can write interesting stories, but I think I just write the wrong stuff for what publishers actually want, or at least big publishers. I don’t want to always be published with micropresses. I want to sell to the bigger publishers, the ones who actually get books on bookstore shelves. I know I’m good enough for the micropresses, as my contracts with MP shows; but I want to be better.
The 4-H motto is “To make the best better.” I was a 4-Her for ten years. That motto has always stuck, along with some advice someone once gave about judging shows (I’ve been a 4-H horse show judge for long time but pretty much gave it up with the birth of second daughter). They said “Don’t ever tell a kid they did their best, because it limits them to improving. Tell them they’ll do better next time with more practice.” I sincerely believe that. When we tell ourselves we tried our best, unconsciously we’re limiting ourselves to improvement. It seems contradictory to the 4-H motto, but with the word “better” at the end, I tend to not really consider an effort my best, but to believe I can always do better.
Right now, I’m in a funk of discouragement from even trying though. But writing that made me feel better.