Melanie Nilles

Whoever said life was fun?

I’m sure someone did, but for most of us, it’s work.  Work for someone else, work for ourselves, work for our families…Work, work, work!  Our dreams take work too.

But having fun working.  Now, that’s when life is fun.  I enjoy writing, although it is work.  I enjoy working with horses, but that’s work.  I would much rather muck stalls and clean pens than clean my house.  Cleaning house is no fun.  Cleaning horses and their waste is time spent with horses.  Any time I can be with my horse is relaxation.  It’s pleasant work.  In fact, it’s not work at all.  It’s fun.  Sure, training him is work, but it’s a joy.

Writing is like that for me.  But I don’t like the business side of it or the public side.  I just want to write.  And I hope you all enjoy the results.  Unfortunately, I have to deal with the business side–submitting (rejections and acceptance, and everything that goes with it)–and the public side.  I don’t mind sharing parts of my life, but I’m not the kind of person who’s comfortable in crowds or taking center stage.  Sure, I like to hear praise and hate criticism–who doesn’t?  Perhaps that’s one of the factors contributing to why I like horses so much.  They’re so giving and beautiful, and forming a connection with a special horse brings a peace to the soul that nothing else can.

I know I’m rambling.  I have thoughts in my head with some connections to each other and nothing at all.  I’m in a mood.  I go through those.  After all I’m only human.

For a while, I was riding high on good times.  That doesn’t last.  Things change.  Eventually what goes up must come down.  I’m going into one of those slumps.  Kinda like the economy, which moves in cycles, whether weeks, months, or years.  It’s the same in my personal life.  I feel uninspired and down and right now wish that something would work.  That something I’ve submitted would catch an editor’s or agent’s eyes.  I’m looking for that acceptance, that validation that all the work is worthwhile.  For me, that keeps the writing fun.  My horse accepts me all the time and accomplishing even small steps towards my training goals fulfills me.  With writing, it’s the acceptance that is fulfilling.  It’s personal achievement, and it’s important to each of us.

That’s where I am.  I need that.  I feel like my writing career is stalling before it’s started.  Maybe there will never be a career.  Sometimes, like now, I feel like I’ll never “get it”.  I’m sick of writing forums and I’m jealous of writers who get it in one.  When is it time to give up?

Writers write first for themselves, then for others.  I need to write, always have, just as I need to ride horse.  It’s a way of escaping from the real world.  Will I ever give it up?  I don’t know.  For now, I’ll get past this slump and continue, at least until I run out of ideas I like.  To hell with what editors and agents want.  I know what I want.  I can only hope that they like it too. I’d feel better.